We All Wanna Be Somebody

Random Blog: Socializing

Mon, 27 May 2013 22:36:00 -0700

I’ve been really social lately. I was on stage crew for my school’s annual musical. The experience was great. I got to know some of my friends even more, and even made some new ones. It’s a tradition to go to Shari’s after every performance night. We played cheesy high school social games. 10 fingers, truth or double truth, and more. I got to know people quite well. But at the same time, I knew this wouldn’t last. Eventually I would go back to spending my days boarded up in my room, playing video games and eating junk food. I wasn’t social at all growing up; I spent my summers just playing video games and watching television. It wasn’t a bad life, but it wasn’t my first choice.

Growing up in elementary school, I had it pretty bad. No kid wanted to interact with me. I was known as “that” fat kid. Whenever I tried to talk to someone, the kids would run yelling

“ew Randy germs”.

I just grew used to it and isolated myself. But deep inside I wanted a friend. This behavior from the kids continued throughout fifth and sixth grade year. Eventually, something happened. Either I changed, or the kids became more mature. I started to make friendships and I could talk to people at school. But I still isolated myself outside of school. In high school, I got involved in the drama productions and I started to make friends. Now I have tons of friends in school and some best friends I hang out with outside of school.

I’ve had a lot of my friends and people at my school tell me I’m always kind and positive.

While I do believe that; they don’t know me at my house. I try to make plans to spend time with my friends and socialize; but they either never respond, are busy, or change plans at the last minute. I can’t blame them, it’s not their fault. Life happens, and plans change. But it seems that everytime I try to make plans, they always fall through. So why try? So sometimes I just don’t. If I’m so kind and positive. Why wouldn’t my friends want to spend time with me, and make the plans themselves. I tend to plan things; My friends and I will talk about doing something, and I’m usually the one that plans it and puts it into action. I don’t like doing things unorganized. People can get confused if you don’t make things clear or plan them out. But it would just be nice once in a blue moon to have someone say.

“Hey Randy, would you want to hang out sometime tomorrow?”

It sounds so simple, but I’m sure no one has asked me to hang out. I’m always the one that has to make the offer.

So even though I’ve been socializing with my school friends; It won’t last. We will get back into our lives and soon enough they will forget about asking me if I’m available to hang out.

People have their own lives, but I just wish that they would include me every once in awhile.

By far my favorite track on the album

Tue, 21 May 2013 00:25:37 -0700

By far my favorite track on the album

Free free to repost, heart, or provide Constructive Criticism.

Tue, 21 May 2013 00:21:00 -0700

Free free to repost, heart, or provide Constructive Criticism.

One moar day! #Disneyland #choir #Disney #oneday #stoked...

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 12:04:49 -0700

One moar day! #Disneyland #choir #Disney #oneday #stoked #excited #hashtagsonfacebook

2 days! So stoked! Going to be great!

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 07:18:22 -0700

2 days! So stoked! Going to be great!

Photo

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:29:34 -0700

Photo

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:29:14 -0700

Photo

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:28:57 -0700

Photo

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:28:41 -0700

weneedyouwewantyou: We accept the love we think we deserve.

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:28:24 -0700

weneedyouwewantyou:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Photo

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:28:03 -0700

seven days! #Disneyland #choir

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:00:38 -0700

seven days! #Disneyland #choir

FL Studio and Vocals

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:20:00 -0700

I’ve have been wanting to create music for a long time. Well I have finally downloaded FL Studio. I’m going to spend several weeks and months messing around with settings and such to get a feel for the software. I’m not sure what type of music I’ll be making. But you can bet it will be original. I really like worship music, but I want to make it fresh and new without changing the words. I’ll probably mess around with different genres. If I finish something and really feel confident about it. I’ll upload it on here and on my soundcloud. I also will be recording my voice and learning it. It’s been a year since I started singing and man have I come a long ways. But I still don’t feel comfortable with my voice and how to control it. Thanks for reading, and God bless.

Audio

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:14:48 -0700

Subarus, Sex, & Porn Stars

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:08:00 -0700

Subarus, Sex, & Porn Stars:

mikedonehey:

Becoming a father has made me a softy.
I mean, I was a crier even before I had kids, but now?
Dang.
I was choking up watching a Subaru commercial last night.
A Subaru commercial?! Seriously?
I know, I know.
My man point stock is crashing with every key stroke,
but before you condemn my…

#womencrushwednesday @heisweofficial #RachelTaylor #HeIsWe...

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 11:31:46 -0800

#womencrushwednesday @heisweofficial #RachelTaylor #HeIsWe #beautifulvoice

Worn - Tenth Avenue North

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 21:53:36 -0800

Worn - Tenth Avenue North

Valentine's Day Blog

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:11:00 -0800

I haven’t blogged for a long time. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve spent the last five months trying to get a girlfriend. I won’t say I was going for just any girl, but some mistakes were made. It got so bad that I started to ask out girls who didn’t share the same faith as me. I was desperate for someone to love. I just wanted someone to hold and to love. Someone to be worth getting up on a weekend afternoon for. After around three denials, I decided that one particular girl would be it. Either she said that she liked me the same way and we would date, or she would want to stay friends. Well today I got my answer, she wanted to stay friends. I spent an hour writing and perfecting a note explaining my feelings toward her and she said it was very cute and made her feel special. But there was already someone else. So here I am writing this blog post. Thinking over the past few months and how my faith was involved. To be perfectly honest, my faith is the worst it’s been for a few years. I’m getting closer to the line of denying my faith yet again. But these denials and heart breaks (not much of a heart break if we never even dated, but it still hurt), I started to realize something.

Being in a relationship will not make me love myself. It will not fix my self loathing that I keep hidden under my jokes and remarks. It will not change my self image. From looking in the mirror and wanting to kill myself due to my weight. Being in a relationship will not make me get out of bed in the morning. Nothing I do can change the way I see myself, I can’t do it on my own. But that’s where God comes in. God’s form of love is completely different from a romantic form of love. Only God can start the repair process of my self image. Only God can start showing me his love so I can love myself.

I’ve felt so alone these past few months and I thought it was due to being single. I was wrong. I’ve felt alone because I have distanced myself from God. It’s funny actually. By pursuing what I believed to be the answer to my problem ended up making it worse. I don’t have the answers, but God does. I didn’t want give up though. I knew I was making the wrong choices. I was running from God. I have this underlying feeling that God was involved, he was keeping from dating because he knew it’s not what I need right now. I can just think of the life altering things that may have happened if I had dated. This still doesn’t change the fact that I feel horrible when I see my friends with their boyfriends and girlfriends and I’m just sitting there alone with my coffee. But I have to ask myself; What’s better? A relationship that lasts at least a week to maybe as long as a few years, or a relationship with my creator for eternity.

I haven’t prayed in weeks, haven’t read my bible in months, and I still question why my life is a wreck. I’m not saying God condemns those who don’t read their bibles or pray, but he’s not blessing you. I’m going to change, today. Not tomorrow, not next week. I have an hour before youth group, I can easily say a prayer and read a chapter or two. I better stop typing or else I’ll never do it. I’ll try to my blog updated if anything major happens. In good news, I have been slowly but surely working on improving my voice. I plan to have a voice lesson or two next week. So that’s fun.

I wanna lose myself to find you. I don’t care how it...

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:51:42 -0800

I wanna lose myself to find you. I don’t care how it sounds, burn it all to the ground. Your kingdom, my desire. @officialtobymac @capitalkingsofficial remix. #capitalkings

We all make mistakes sometimes. We all step across that line....

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 08:39:19 -0800

We all make mistakes sometimes. We all step across that line. #forgiveness @officialtobymac @lecrae